Special Fan
by Ivy3
Summary: I found out who the special fan is! JK, this is a weird, not funny story about that. I don't know why I wrote it, but when you get inspired you don't ask too many questions! Reviews and flamers are welcomed.


SPECIAL FAN  
  
Harry was sitting in his dorm room going over a list of all the Harry Potter characters. He was trying to figure out whom the 'special fan' was that Ms. J.K Rowling intended on killing.  
  
"Let's see." Harry muttered, pushing his glasses up his nose. "God are these things annoying, couldn't she just make me wear contact lenses? And why am I so geeky? Never mind you're famous and all.Just think. Who is a fan?" Harry tapped the feather to his forehead. The action caused some ink to spread across his scroll.  
  
"And why can't I write in pen and paper? Or on the computer? For an advanced wizarding society, we suck big time!" He got up angrily and returned to his scroll.  
  
"Special fan.. Ginny? Nah, too obvious. Neville? Ditto. Creevey? God I hope so. I don't know if I can stand them much longer.. Though having fans is so cool.Ron? I doubt it; the same goes for Hermione. Too bad, they were starting to get all icky and sticky and take up too much book room. I mean, why does anyone care if Hermione has the hots for Krum or Ron? The only thing that's of any interest is whether Cho will finally see the light and go for me.Who else is left? Hagrid? That annoying large git? I don't know what anyone sees in him. I mean he's this big giant of a man. Goody, who cares? He's dumb and has that stupid accent.Why on earth would I befriend an idiot like that, only JKR knows.. McGonagall? I hope so; she scares the beejesus out of me. Who even like her? She this annoying seventy year old witch, too strict on me and should have retired a long time ago. Besides, no one likes her, I checked a few message boards out and she has absolutely NO fan club at all. Dumbledore? I hope not.But if he dies it will only be in book 7, because he'll play an important role in defeating Voldermot yada yada yada, of course I'll be doing all the work. Wait a sec. So who's left? Serius? But that would be too sad, I mean he's my Godfather and all. I'd be totally alone in the world. Which will add to my appeal with the fans, so that's good. Remus? We don't have enough on him yet. Not Voldermot, he's obviously gonna die in book 7. Who's left???" Harry scratched his head frustrated until an idea dawned on him.  
  
"Wait a minute. She's not going to kill.. She wouldn't. Would she?" The fear began to seep in and harry scribbled something on the scroll and ran down the corridors to find the person.  
  
"Professor, am I glad I found you!" Harry said panting.  
  
"What is it Potter? I am rather busy." Snape said in his cool tone. He was sitting at his desk, leaning forward with his long fingers entwined. He scrutinized Potter with his passionate black eyes and the corners of his lips tilted upwards a bit. All and all he was looking as intimidating as ever.  
  
"Right, well I wanted to ask you-"  
  
"You wanted to ask me- what? To do you a favor Potter?" Snape asked malevolently.  
  
"Actually to do your self a favor" Harry answered evenly, folding his arms.  
  
"I'm listening."  
  
"I've been going over a list of characters that MIGHT be the 'special fan' that gets killed." Harry's voice shook a bit.  
  
"Why do you care?" Snape asked curiously.  
  
"I like to know how it affects me. I was going through the names and I couldn't find someone that would REALLY shock and hurt if he died. And then I thought about you." Harry glanced at him, to judge his reaction. Snape simply sat back in his chair and observed Harry.  
  
"You were thinking about me?" Snape asked, raising an eyebrow in amusement.  
  
"Eeeew! Not in that way!" Harry cried disgusted. "Are you kidding? She barely gives me a teenager's hormones, you think she'd let me go slash?"  
  
"Good point." Snape said, folding his arms. "So you think I'm a FAN of yours Potter?"  
  
"Well not a fan per say, but what if she was sarcastic? Saying that you're a 'fan' because you hate me?" Harry said shrugging.  
  
"And you felt the urge to come and share with me this revelation of yours because.?"  
  
"Because we can't let that happen! We-the both of us-have to march over to JK's study and demand that she not kill you!"  
  
"Why Potter, I didn't know you cared", Snape said mockingly.  
  
"Don't flatter yourself," Harry said making a face. "I don't. I'm thinking only about the one person that counts around here. ME. This isn't 'Hogwarts story' or anything, it's 'Harry Potter'. I am the star of these books and what's good for me is good for the books."  
  
"And why, pre tell, is it good for you that I live?" Snape asked curiously. "I punish you, try to expel you and cause you nothing but trouble. You should be glad she's going to rid me off."  
  
"Do you know how many Snape fan clubs are out there on the Internet? Too many! Twice as much as my fan clubs! You're one of the most favorite characters on the Message Boards and too many woman from 15-40 think you're sexy!" Harry said exasperatingly.  
  
"They do?" Snape asked shocked.  
  
"Yes!" Harry said, throwing his hands in the air.  
  
"Why do you go on Message Boards?" Snape asked frowning.  
  
"To check up on what fans say about me of course! Don't you?" Harry asked.  
  
"No. And no other normal person does either", Snape said, getting up.  
  
"You say there are fifteen year old girls that think I'm.. Sexy? With the notorious description J.K gave of me? No one with silly names like 'Iwuvsnape' or 'snape'smistress' or 'IvyAbattoir' I hope?" Snape was amused and flattered.  
  
"Not too many, but we're getting off subject. We NEED to get J.K to keep your character till book 7."  
  
"You still did not tell me why." Snape shrugged, leaving his office. Harry followed close behind.  
  
"Because there are too many Snape fans! They might just turn back on the books if you get killed! Some even said they'd kill themselves! They started a 'what would you do if Snape died' thread! It's ridicules! And besides, your character for some strange reason is deeper than mine. But mostly because what would the trio do without someone to hate? To try and catch them in the act? Our lives would get boring!"  
  
"You do have a point Potter", Snape said coolly, calculatingly. "But why do I care?"  
  
Harry gaped at him. "You WANT her to kill you off?"  
  
"Actually I don't mind. Getting away from you and your friends.. Besides, she might just write a new  
  
Series concerning my past if I'm dead."  
  
"No she won't! Come on Professor, you have to see that if she offs you it's for good! I mean look what she did to Cedrik! Once you're dead you're a goner."  
  
"Why can't you tell her all this yourself? Where's that Potter courage?" Snape sneered.  
  
"What courage? In the books I know that until #7 I'll keep winning, so it's easy being courageous. But with Ms. J.K.. She might get pissed and do something horrible!" Harry said worriedly.  
  
"Alright Potter, I'll accompany you." Snape said, heading in the direction of her office.  
  
In Ms. J.K Rowling's office  
  
"Oh Harry, Severus, do come in", J.K said amiably. "What's on your mind?"  
  
"We came here to tell you something." Harry said nervously. Snape rolled his eyes.  
  
"Oh for crying out loud! Potter came here to ask of you not to kill my character off."  
  
"Harry? I thought I wrote you to hate Snape", J.K said confused.  
  
"I know, but you see, I figured out that his the 'special fan' that you're planning to kick the bucket and you can't do that! People actually love him- God knows why! They'd be furious, devastated, hurt!" Harry threw his arms in the air. "You mustn't do it!"  
  
"I mustn't?" J.K asked dangerously.  
  
"I meant, please don't!" Harry practically begged. "PLEASE!"  
  
"Thank you Harry, you just helped me out a lot. You see- I've been having this writer's block recently, trying to figure out who to kill. Snape hadn't even crossed my mind up until now. But I see the logic behind it.. Yes. He's the PERFECT character to kill! Thank you both! Now off you go, Moma's got some writing to do!" She said and went on writing enthusiastically.  
  
Outside the office  
  
"Potter" Snape said dangerously.  
  
"Y-y-yes Professor?" Harry said scared. He ran off into the hallway, but Snape already drew his wand and muttered a few words. A loud THUD was heard and Snape picked up Harry, who was now transformed into a giant turkey.  
  
"Bakah!" Harry cried indignantly.  
  
"Oh do shut up," Snape said angrily. "Actually, you just solved me a great problem. You see, I have Some American guests coming over tomorrow for the holiday meal and I don't have the main course."  
  
"BAKAH!" Harry cried frantically.  
  
"Now how can you celebrate thanksgiving without a turkey?"  
  
"BOKAKAKAKAK!!!!!"  
  
THE END  
  
Well, flamers, reviews, praises all go in the little box that will open below once you push 'review'. Hint hint.  
  
-Ivy- 


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